So, even though my life somehow feels like currently "paused" ; words from my head keep on flowing, escaping like poisoned butterflies that can't survive between damaged flowers they used to live in.

My "healthy life" program were also paused since Christmas holidays and it's time to start all over again. Although, I must be honest, I still can't maintain a "healthy thinking" yet. It's more difficult than doing sports or eating only apples for dinner. Well, only eating apples for dinner sounds brutal too, actually. Definitely not gonna love that idea so much, but my sister recommended it. *snorts*

Anyways, some time ago my father and I went to the family meeting and I kinda enjoyed my time there. Usually I'm not in the mood in every family meeting but last time was pretty lively. I talked much with my cousins--enjoyed cute moments of my young cousins and nephew... also, I took one chance during that time to tell my father that I didn't get the IELSP scholarship. Haha... he's cool with it. Both parents are. I told them that IIEF only picked 88 people from all around Indonesia for this scholarship program (it's true). Only 5 or 6 people from Yogyakarta (city where I live in) who have been selected, while I know there're A LOT of us (from Yogyakarta) who came for interview. This failure didn't make me that sad or disappointed though, because clearly I have a much bigger issue about my internship right now. It's more important.

Well, I have a lot of plans in mind actually, but most of them depend on other people's decision. So, no matter how I try to make things work, as long as I'm not the decision maker, failure is always a possibility. I guess in my case, "luck" is the key... while I'm probably lack of it. ^^;


☆ 8-1-25-1-11-21 ☆

Good morning/afternoon/evening!
Christmas is coming, this year is about to end...
Isn't it a bit scary that time flows really fast??
However, deep inside I do want this year to end soon.

I hope new year will be the new beginning of a new life!

Anyway. I'm in the middle of working (but I'm sneaking into LJ while collecting data from e-mail, hehe). It's a non-profit project from a friend. I won't be paid for this, but it will be a pretty good portfolio so it's good enough to me.

It's a bit weird that I'm busy doing this work during Christmas holidays...
...but well, I am. ('_')
( Read more... )

☆ 8-1-25-1-11-21 ☆

...love the lyrics. Well, I'll just forget my problems and fix some mistakes. :)

Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold

Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen
So unsure but it seems, ’cause we’ve been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

I see a distant light, but girl this can't be right
Such a surreal place to see so how did this come to be
Arrived too early

And when I think of all the places I just don't belong
I've come to grips with life and realize this is going too far

I don't belong here, we gotta move on dear
Escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on
Far away from here

A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain
Can leave this place but refrain, ’cause we've been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

This peace on earth's not right (with my back against the wall)
No pain or sign of time (I’m much too young to fall)
So out of place don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign
I've made up my mind

Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye
Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life

I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear
escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on,
far away from here

Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might
Take me back inside when the time is right

Loved ones back home all crying ’cause they're already missing me
I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening
Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be
(I am unbroken; I’m choking on this ecstasy)
Oh Lord I'll try so hard but you gotta let go of me
(Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live)

I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear
escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on,
far away from here

Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might
Take me back inside when the time is right

Next week, the Idul Fitri holidays will be over, I think.
For me, it's the beginning of new activities.

This week I have bad Internet connection and phone signal.
Yesterday the connection was completely dead. (~_~)

It was great to have my sister and her boyfriend at home since Tuesday. They already went back to Jakarta yesterday, though.
My sister's new hobby is cooking, so she made me cook as well. :)


Well, I guess... I have some important things to do on Monday so I hope I'll be well-prepared before that.
It's never easy for me when it comes to my future...


---
ps. Buat yg mudik... ati-ati arus balik mudik. xD
Sabtu-Minggu ntar bakal padat merayap tuh jalan-jalan... xD
Oiye... pada nonton Warkop kagak selama Lebaran? xDD Saya nunggu2 Dongkrak Antik kok kagak ada ye... apa udah kelewatan ya? ^^; Tp untung kebagian nonton Setan Kredit... hahahaha~

Ah. Finally we didn't win the ad competition.
This time it makes me really sad and disappointed. I think I was hoping too much from the beginning.

It's because of the prize (money), LOL.

I wanted to present the money for my grandparents if I won, but I failed. xD;

Not to mention I feel like I'm not talented now... perhaps advertising is just not my thing? *bitter laughs* trus ngapain lo kuliah iklan hay
Well, but I talked to my mom about this so right now I kinda feel better and not really disappointed anymore. I won't give up. Not yet!

'Losing' always gives me various bad effects, so... yeah...
This evening I should go shopping with my mom.
I mean, we need to buy eggs and vegetables. xD;

Because of this crappy mood I'm too lazy to check my grammar. (_ _')>

Lastly... t.h.a.n.k. y.o.u ! ! ! ♥
For everything. Anything. Something.
'Thank you' is important. :)

-----
EDIT: We changed the plan and we're going to go shopping tomorrow. ^^;
A-n-d mochisshi visited me today, we finally trade our [Uzu] picks. xD I got Isshi's so I gave it to her and now I have Shin's pick. ^^
Well someday, if I'm lucky, maybe I could trade with someone who got Akiya's... but for now, I want to keep Shin's chameleon pick because it's indeed cute! <3

I have no idea why suddenly I got sick this afternoon,
I have no idea why suddenly I feel like I'm alone in this "boat".

I had a dream last night.
There're about 4 people on a boat (including me) and we're sailing on a very wide ocean. Dunno how but suddenly two people fell into the water, one of them was me. After that a shark showed up and it almost got me, but thankfully I got pulled back to the boat just in time. The sad thing was... another person who fell into the water didn't make it (damn, so scary, it could've been me!).

Wide, deep ocean & shark are two things in this nature that I'm scared of the most. Dreaming about those things definitely means I feel insecure. Though I don't know why I survived and the other didn't.

Still, I'm alone in this boat...
I've tried to take everything easy and at one point I did it well. But then everything starts to make me sick. Not literally. Even though now I'm physically unwell. *rolls eyes and throws bunch of tissue away*

I always try to make some people around me happy, but seems like I've done it wrong. And so I'm scared of everything. I hate it when the clock ticks unbelievably fast. It scares me too...
So little time, so many troubles and sins... (O..o) =3 =3 =3

...such a long entry but I have to write this and it's in Indonesian.

( let me show you who she is~ )